So I got my notes back from Scott Mullen this week and his comments were dead on, as always. The notes were mostly in alignment with the notes I got from Hollywood Lit Sales on the treatment, but which I refused to acknowledge.
The Biggest criticism was the inconsistency of tone. Wonderland is a family movie, of course. It features three pretten protagonists, takes place in an amusement park and has a healthy mixture of comedy, pathos and action.
The problem is that it's also got a fair dose of darkness. I've got to admit, I love a dark comedy and I still think a little grimness can be a good thing, even in a kid's film like Stand By Me (or is that Rob Reiner-directed film really meant for adults? Debate.)
But I may have gone too dark. The villains consist of a bird-like scientist named Dr. Mobius and his giant bear-like henchman Tweedle. Scott said it seems like they came from an entirely different movie, contrasting sharply with the realism of the first act.
And the scheme that they're trying to accomplish is to use their hideout beneath the fun house to manufacture crystal meth, using the stuffed White Rabbits that are given away as prizes to smuggle them out.
Seems no one likes this idea. I do think it would make a fascinating film. After all, some of the best kid's films are dark. And today's kids have to deal with a lot more serious issues than anyone may age ever had to. But yeah, it's going to be a tough sell in Hollywood and is so dark it may scare off most of the audience I'm aiming for.
So I've got to come up with an entirely different scheme. Maybe something with diamond smuggling. Or nuclear waste. Or...
I'm also going to make the villains more realistic, as that's the tone I most want to get across, despite some of the fantastic elements that pop later in the kdis' assualt on the Funhouse.
Looks like it's back to the drawing board for now.
The good news? I got major points for coming up with intriguing, likable protags (that likable bit is a first for me) and putting together some great action set pieces.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
First draft done
I officially completed my first draft of Wonderland on Tuesday. What's a first draft? Simple, it's the first version of the screenplay that wouldn't lead me to crawl into a hole if someone discovered it.
The screenplay clocked in at 99 pages -- right in range for a family comedy. I know it's not perfect. I've still got a ton of work ahead of me, especially in upping the action and jazzing up the gags. But I think the structure is there and I'm pretty pleased with how it's turning out. Thank you, Blake Snyder.
On Wednesday, I emailed it off to Scott Mullen for the first feedback on the screenplay itself. Scott is a Hollywood script reader who used to write the Alligators in a Helicopter blog. He offers some of the best notes around and for just $60, with a lightning fast 3-4 day turnaround.
If you'd like to try him out, and I highly recommend it, you can email him here.
Other good news is that the new musical "Wonderland" (an updated take on the Alice tale) is tanking on Broadway. Besides the fact that the utterly vapid Frank Wildhorn wrote the music, I dislike the show because they beat to the punch with the title.
Yeah, I know, you can't copyright a title, but if a title gets associated with a successful work of art, whether book, play or movie, you're pretty much forced to come up with another idea or risk getting your story confused with the earlier one.
Not that I insist on staying with "Wonderland" as a title. I've considered expanding it, to something like "Escaping Wonderland" or "Lost in Wonderland." But those additions don't really capture what's going on in my film.
And besides, I love the simplicity of that one world title, evoking as it does not just the imaginary land that Alice falls into, but the whole idea of childhood innocence and awe, as in "a land of wonder."
Until I think of something different, it's staying.
Oh, and here's my updated logline:
WONDERLAND
A Family Comedy Thriller
By Todd Wallinger
Four impulsive preteens sneak into an amusement park after closing only to discover that someone is sabotaging the rides.
The screenplay clocked in at 99 pages -- right in range for a family comedy. I know it's not perfect. I've still got a ton of work ahead of me, especially in upping the action and jazzing up the gags. But I think the structure is there and I'm pretty pleased with how it's turning out. Thank you, Blake Snyder.
On Wednesday, I emailed it off to Scott Mullen for the first feedback on the screenplay itself. Scott is a Hollywood script reader who used to write the Alligators in a Helicopter blog. He offers some of the best notes around and for just $60, with a lightning fast 3-4 day turnaround.
If you'd like to try him out, and I highly recommend it, you can email him here.
Other good news is that the new musical "Wonderland" (an updated take on the Alice tale) is tanking on Broadway. Besides the fact that the utterly vapid Frank Wildhorn wrote the music, I dislike the show because they beat to the punch with the title.
Yeah, I know, you can't copyright a title, but if a title gets associated with a successful work of art, whether book, play or movie, you're pretty much forced to come up with another idea or risk getting your story confused with the earlier one.
Not that I insist on staying with "Wonderland" as a title. I've considered expanding it, to something like "Escaping Wonderland" or "Lost in Wonderland." But those additions don't really capture what's going on in my film.
And besides, I love the simplicity of that one world title, evoking as it does not just the imaginary land that Alice falls into, but the whole idea of childhood innocence and awe, as in "a land of wonder."
Until I think of something different, it's staying.
Oh, and here's my updated logline:
WONDERLAND
A Family Comedy Thriller
By Todd Wallinger
Four impulsive preteens sneak into an amusement park after closing only to discover that someone is sabotaging the rides.
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